my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
