Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
