Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
