Yo dont text me then not text me
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
