The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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