Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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