i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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