and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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