I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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