the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
