Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
