Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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