That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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