Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
They are going to name an STD after you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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