i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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