note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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