I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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