ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
