He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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