I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
