I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
