So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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