Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
