im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
