Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
