I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
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