pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
