The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Actions speak louder than pants.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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