Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
