I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
