i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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