what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
