i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
