So drunk its hurt
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
