is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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