just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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