I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
