watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
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