Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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