I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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