Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
