God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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