Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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