i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I have post one night stand depression
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