Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
