Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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