HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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