I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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