is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
