Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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